Musings & Matters at Mertz
by RevSue
Summary: Set just before the second movie, Clarisse does some thinking about the feasibility of a relationship with Joseph.


_Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters since Princess Diaries 1 & 2, and its characters are the property of Disney, Buena Vista, and Meg Cabot. I make no money from this work of fiction._

MUSINGS AND MATTERS AT MERTZ

"The motion is passed," Prime Minister Motaz banged his gavel. "The Blessing of the Fleet and attendant ceremonies shall be held next week in Mertz at the harbourfront."

As the members of parliament began to file out of the chamber, Clarisse smiled over at Sebastian. "Will Sheila come, do you think?"

"I'm sure she will. And Marissa wouldn't miss it. She has been after us to get a sailboat. The possibility of a short cruise will be irresistible."

"I wonder why this never happened in Genovia before? After all, as the honourable member from Mertz said, the Blessing of the Fleet is a tradition dating back hundreds of years in some parts of Europe. And I should think that any country on the coast would be happy for a celebration at the beginning of the fishing season asking for the safety of mariners, good harvests from the sea, clean waters and good will and peace among peoples of the world."

"Not to mention that the Blessing tradition has evolved to include community involvement, laying a memorial wreath commemorating those who have died at sea, and the Archbishop offering God's blessings on all mariners. It IS a shame, as you so rightly pointed out, your Majesty, that your grand-daughter cannot be here this year, but the fishing season will already be well underway by the time of her arrival. And her highness will be here all subsequent years, it is to be hoped."

"Yes, I am aware of that, Sebastian. It's just ..."

"Personally, I am in full agreement with Lord Harmony -- all in all, holding a Blessing of the Fleet ceremony along with a naming and launching of a new fishing ship should prove to be much more satisfying, not to mention more FUN than simply filling out a government form!" Sebastian Motaz' laugh boomed out.

Clarisse smiled. "I'm sure it shall prove exactly that!" she agreed. Looking over at the door, she spotted Charlotte hovering anxiously, and stood, saying, "I see Charlotte is waiting for me. I should go, Sebastian."

"Good-bye, your Majesty," he kissed her hand gallantly and helped her down from the raised seats at the front of the Parliament chamber.

Later, when speaking with Joseph and Charlotte about the upcoming two-day event in Mertz, Clarisse found herself reassuring them both that the Blessing of the Fleet would be a celebration not to be forgotten easily. Joseph, of course, fretted about the security down on the waterfront with crowds of people straining to watch what was happening out on the water. Clarisse touched his cheek in her characteristic fashion, silently telling him it would be all right at the same time as she gently said the words. Charlotte looked down, a smile spreading over her face. Clarisse saw her aide's face, and realized that Charlotte suspected how they felt about each other, and probably had been aware of their feelings for a long time. But as she and Joseph had never spoken of such things to each other let alone anyone else, Clarisse now pretended she hadn't seen Charlotte pretending she hadn't seen the light, teasing caress ...

O o O o O o

One night the following week, Clarisse stood on the balcony of her hotel suite, staring out to sea across the moonpath that glowed faintly on the waves. The fleet of fishing ships which had been blessed that afternoon following the launching of the new vessel 'La reine Clarisse' bobbed in the harbour. The pleasure boats to be decorated for the Parade of Ships the following morning were mostly clustered in one area of the docks. Most of today's ceremonies were over, only the fireworks remained, but Clarisse had a few moments to herself right now.

This time alone was precious and, she regretfully realized, quite necessary. Just two days ago, Joseph had hinted at his feelings for her, but another security guard had interrupted their conversation before he had explained his rather cryptic remark and she had had a chance to respond. Since then, they had had no privacy and no chance to talk. If only things were different. If only she were not the reigning queen, and if Joseph were not her Head of Security. If only she were free to love him openly the way she had longed to do for more months than she cared to remember. It was almost five years now since they had gone to San Francisco in search of the Princess Mia. Almost five years since Joseph had quietly commented on how she had been wearing black for too, thus prompting a hurried ordering of a new wardrobe. Almost five years since she had danced the "wango" with him, and felt more of a woman in his arms than she had ever felt before in over four decades of life as a married woman.

Hearing the french doors behind her slide open, Clarisse didn't turn around. There was only one person who would disturb her at a time like this ... the one person who had often insisted that she never stand outside by herself, without a bodyguard close at hand. Besides that, her body reacted instinctively to his presence every time he drew near.

"Can you see them?" Joseph's voice, low and deep, sent tremors along her spine. His tone was as rich and deep as velvet. He came up beside her, his hands clasping the balustrade just a few inches from hers. She loved standing so close to him usually, but tonight something seemed different. She wondered if she could bear it if he knew how much she loved him ... an unasked for, perhaps unwanted love. No, no she did not think it was unwanted. In spite of how circumspect they both had been over the years, regardless of the veil of silence both had kept in place, she was convinced that he felt the same intensity between them that she did.

"See what?" Clarisse kept her face averted, trying to regain the control she feared she had lost.

"The ghostly ships that sail while the world sleeps."

"I've never heard of them. And I've yet to see them."

"I wondered if that might be what drew you out here, your Majesty. The fireworks won't begin for another half hour."

She shook her head. Her eyes were on his hands so close to hers, but still she refused to look directly at him.

"Shall we take a stroll along the silvery moonlight path?" he then asked whimsically.

Clarisse's gaze sought the undulating strip of silver on the inky darkness of the sea. With very little imagination, one could believe it possible to follow that path to the horizon.

"Where will the path lead us?" she responded, entering into his fantasy.

"A carefree place, filled with light, laughter and love. A place glowing with all the colours of the rainbow." Joseph painted a glorious picture for her, and when she glanced over quickly, his eyes were shining as he looked at her.

"The place 'somewhere over the rainbow', you mean, like in the American movie Mia made me watch with her last Christmas?" Clarisse's voice was full of suppressed longing, but she smiled faintly as she shifted her gaze back to the lure of the restless sea. If only they COULD go to such a place, together! A carefree place filled with light, laughter and love sounded SO alluring, and to be there with Joseph would be heaven ...

"Or do you prefer to go alone, to a place far away from me? Or perhaps I'm being too egotistical to hope you think of me. Perhaps you'd prefer to have King Rupert at your side once more?" now his voice was abrupt.

She did turn then, finally bringing her moonlight-brightened gaze to his face. "Why would you think that?" Clarisse stared at him as he stood so close to her in the soft darkness, and her heart turned over. She loved him so much she ached with it, and she was becoming convinced that she would never be free to tell him.

"It doesn't matter." his gaze was on hers, and she couldn't look away. "Truthfully, your Majesty, I hate seeing such sadness in your eyes. I'd do anything to take it away. The pain. The unwanted memories ..."

"Joseph ..." she began, "Please, don't ..."

"Don't what? Don't talk about this? I don't have the control you do, Clarisse. I can't keep my feelings hidden any longer. Or do you mean, don't love you as I have for years? I can no more stop loving you, longing to touch you, to kiss you, than I can stop the waves from battering that shore!" His voice sounded almost harsh now, although he still spoke in an undertone so they wouldn't be overheard by the maids inside.

Clarisse struggled to deny her desire to forget all the unspoken rules they had set for themselves. Something about this moonlit night had rocked her simple, comfortable world and sent it spinning out of control like a ship caught in the grip of a hurricane. Obviously Joseph had been affected by the moon madness as well. He had never spoken so clearly, so definitely, before either. She couldn't speak. Instead, she gripped the balustrade until her knuckles were white, unable to tear her gaze from his.

"My dear Clarisse," he softened his voice, and was therefore so much harder to resist. She was almost ready to promise him anything, if he would only continue to speak that way. "I would be honoured to have you say that you love me ... that you would like to marry me ..."

His hand covered hers for a moment, the heat searing through her, infusing her with his passion. She trembled, opened her mouth, then closed it, unable to speak the words she wanted to say, the words he was waiting to hear. It just was not the right time for them. She had a duty to fulfill, and she had to fulfill it. She had too many responsibilities -- to her country, to her grand-daughter. She could not ignore them to please herself. All she could do was wait and hope that someday it would be her turn ... hers ... and Joseph's. The thought made her tremble even more, and gathering together her regal control, she buried her personal desires deep inside once more, and spoke evenly to him.

"Joseph, you know I have a duty to Genovia and a duty to my grand-daughter. I cannot think of myself until such time as Mia is settled. You know she is coming in less than a month. Surely you understand! I am the queen. I have responsibilities which are impossible to abandon."

"You also have a responsibility to yourself, Clarisse." he said, still very quietly, but his entire frame had tensed.

"DEAR Joseph, I was raised to put myself last. I cannot change that. Perhaps someday ..." her voice trailed off. She couldn't admit it. Once it was out in the open between them, she would not be able to bear the pain of denying herself such happiness. She wanted to change the subject, needed to be almost impersonal in her dealing with him tonight, but faced with the anguish she saw in his eyes, she couldn't do it.

On the verge of giving in to his insistence, feeling her control slipping away quickly, fighting not to lean closer and take the extra step necessary to bring her lips to Joseph's in full view of anyone watching, Clarisse actually jumped when they heard voices inside her rooms.

Charlotte, speaking with Priscilla and Olivia, saw Joseph and Clarisse turn to look. She timidly knocked on the French doors and slid them open. "I'm very sorry to interrupt, your Majesty, but the Prime Minister sent a message asking you to join them to watch the fireworks. He said you had talked about it earlier ..."

"Yes, thank you, Charlotte. I'll be right there."

Charlotte nodded and closed the sliding door. Looking back at Joseph, Clarisse allowed her veil to drop for a split second. "Joseph ... I DO love you ... but I really do NOT want to talk about this again until Mia is settled ... please?" Her gentle touch on his cheek was the kiss she could not yet give him.

"As you wish, Clarisse ..." his voice was husky with emotion, his eyes alight with joy and love. With great effort, he bowed, took her hand and kissed the back of it, then turned it over and pressed his lips to her palm lingeringly.

Her knees grew weak, and, not pulling her hand away, but lightly caressing his jaw with her fingers, Clarisse swallowed hard before whispering, "Joseph, I have to go ..."

"I know," he sighed. Then he released her, pressing one final kiss to her fingertips, aware of the avid gazes of Olivia and Priscilla. Opening the door for her, he bowed again as she passed him. "Your majesty ..."

"Thank you, Joseph," was her demure reply.

That night, for the first time in her life, Clarisse felt as if she were an automaton, watching the fireworks, smiling and talking with the Motaz' as if in a dream. And from the look in Joseph's eyes and the fire ignited in her body by his touch, that dream of finally being with Joseph sometime in the future would keep her happy until all their dreams came true.


End file.
